i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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