so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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