so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
