If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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