i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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