White coat. Heels.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He better not be in your backpack
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
