My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
