You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
