Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
