ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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