In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
