Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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