: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
