how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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