My first STD was from a foam party
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
