did you get engaged???
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
