she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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