Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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