life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
