I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
