trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
This toilet bowl is my home.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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