I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
