I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
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