if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
