The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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