we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
