Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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