there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
