the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
