Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
