I got her a Nickelback box set.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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