dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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