Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
