I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
