Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
