Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
