he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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