Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
