I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
