you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
