I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
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