I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
