That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
