i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
