I think scott just propositioned me for sex
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
