worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
