this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
