We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
