So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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