Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
