Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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