take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
