Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
