we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
In America we eat man semen.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
