Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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