I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
This gyro tastes like lonliness
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
