i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
