That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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