dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
