I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
