I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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