That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
