i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
