So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize