saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
